November 2, 2014 at 7:34 pm #8039
This is the thread for discussion of the short story, “DNA-RW,” from Issue #016 of Sparkler Monthly. Spoilers are expected, so beware!
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Have fun!November 4, 2014 at 2:06 am #8192
This was interesting! I felt like the story was still choppy and rough around the edges, but I liked the concept.November 4, 2014 at 9:41 pm #8206
hmm innteerreesstiinng! :O and wow that would be awful..especially the worse a crime is. is this the END end? or perhaps there will be a bigger plot?! :D I sure hope so!November 8, 2014 at 7:47 pm #8267
This was a very interesting premise. It felt like it should be part of a larger story rather than a stand-alone piece, but I really enjoyed it.November 13, 2014 at 7:44 pm #8366
It is fantastic and wonderful that everyone so far finds the story interesting! I have some more plans for stories in the same world.
This was my first published piece of writing (not counting self published comics and the one time I had a super short comic in an indy anthology) so I am gunning for every scrap of feedback I can get! If anything jumped out at you that could be improved on let me know! Like what Olivia said! I can use that to improve! Thank you!! :DNovember 17, 2014 at 9:57 pm #8501
I liked this story. You did a good job of portraying Nel as somebody who has the kind of righteous anger to go after a criminal but isn’t mentally prepared for the consequences. The opening paragraph sets the scene well, and the agent in the restaurant was good for planting seeds for future stories in the same universe. It was just vague enough to go a lot of different ways. And I love a good pun, so the title was clever and appropriate.
My only negative comment is that the part at the end where Nel Read Amber’s DNA and knew they were distantly related seemed a little out of nowhere. Obviously Reading is part of the titular “RW,” but that use only come up prominently in the last few sentences. It could have used a prior reference, like maybe it was how Nel was able to find Asshole. Maybe she somehow got his DNA, but only enough to Read a basic physical description, and had to track Asshole based on that. It makes sense that she knows enough of her own DNA to recognize it in others, but Reading others would probably be less exact. This story goes more psychological than detective story though, but it’s something to think about.January 15, 2015 at 3:19 pm #11762
Corinthian that definitely is something to think about! For this story I was going more psychological horror than detective. Nel knew she fit the description of the other victims and let herself be caught by Asshole, kind of like really awful fishing but using herself as bait. She didn’t even think that she might be related to one of the victims despite her looking similar to them probably because she has some experience passively reading DNA of other people and knows that many unrelated people share similar physical characteristics. I probably should have put more hints in that they were distantly related and will keep it in mind for the next thing I write. :D
I do want to write more in this world Nel lives in but it might not focus on Nel and Amber. What if there was someone with powers that was more mentally prepared to use them? Or maybe that was what helped this story stand out, that Nel was biting off far more than she could psychologically chew? Was the guy in the suit really on to her or was she just being paranoid? (I know the answer to that last one. ;) )
Sorry I haven’t been more active on the forums! I am still getting over Tennis Elbow in my dominate hand so I’ve been rationing my keyboard time for writing purposes and largely using my left hand.
Thank you to everyone who has read DNA-RW and to everyone who has provided their thoughts and feedback on the story! It means a lot to me to hear that people enjoyed it and that they have ideas on how it could be better! It can be tough to get feedback sometimes, particularly if you write something that’s so dark. I think it can scare people into not speaking their mind on how it could be improved. :s
I hope everyone had a Happy New Year! Let’s rock 2015 with some awesome stories and support Sparkler Monthly!
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