Hey brianwithcheese, I think this second plot has a much better chance of working for Sparkler. It’s an interesting idea that could go either very funny or very dark, bring up some interesting ideas, etc. My big suggestion for you and anyone else writing comedies (based on some similar pitches I’ve received) is to make sure the humor always serves the story–don’t let yourself get caught up in long, jokey tangents, make sure the story is always moving forward, and CUT MERCILESSLY anything that doesn’t fit, no matter how great the material is.
Note to everyone: because multiple people have asked me for extensions and it seems like the end of this month is falling at a bad time for everyone, the deadline for audio pitches has been moved back to Sunday, March 9th. I think the due date falling on a Friday has ended up being a problem for a lot of people, and I’d rather wait a week and let people write me the best pitches they can.